Death Valley is a weird place. It’s an inhospitable place, but absolutely beautiful. The mountains surrounding it are clearly visible and often look like they’re made of some sort of layer cake or colored powder. There’s something so food-like about them. The roads lead to one resort after another that caters to rich snobby people driving rented RVs and Mercedes. It’s a playground for the rich… a grotesque show of the power of money. “Look I can afford to vacation in the frickin’ desert! And in complete comfort!” There were even pools behind the lodges and the people? UGH. There was even some little punk-ass snot doing push ups shirtless in the middle of the salt flats of Badwater like “Lookee me! I’m all tough!” Has anyone ever been impressed with such dip-shit bravado?? It made me want to pull a switch blade just to see if he’d crap himself. But alas, that’d be unladlylike.
To make matters worse the little brats had completely graffittied a great deal of the salt flats, writing their names and little heart signs in the sand everywhere. Pissed me right off, this was such a pristine place for those obnoxious brats to ruin it for everyone else. I walked quite a ways until the graffiti nearly dried up. It was too hot to go any further. I got back to the Jeep drenched in my own sweat. I’d bathed in sun lotion so I was also greasy besides dripping with sweat.
I went to the Devil’s Golf Course. That was neat. It’s this vast expense of land with gnarled salt chunks littering the landscape and making it almost look like a coral maze. I dared some idiot to lick it to see if it was really salt. The answer was a resounding yes. It was such an odd sight… Like popcorn or something. And I didn’t have to hike anywhere to see it.
The last destination I decided to go to was Salt Creek which was home to the rare pupfish. It was a half mile round trip hike. I figured this would be another wild tortoise hunt but actually the really tiny creek was full of them. Most were so small they looked like mosquito larvae but there were a few bigger ones with beautiful stripes. They reminded me of cichlids. Cute little boiling cichlids.
I walked around and eventually found a curly tailed lizard running for its life on the hot sand. It was adorable! When it was running its tail was curled right over its back like a pug. It straightened out when it stopped and I took some photos. I must say returning home I will miss the lizards.. they have brought such joy to me watching them and seeing the many different species I never knew existed. I am happy to have experienced them.
But anyway, though I bathed in more sun block I still managed to get burned ankles, part of one arm, and pink cheeks. It’s never wise to bring someone the shade of an albino into the desert. I was surprised to find the insect life here was supersized like the fly with a fluffy mohawk that was bigger than the hummingbirds I saw at the zoo. When I got back to the car I was very ready to get out… but I stopped for a magnet… and a cold drink… and the most amazing popsicle ever. It was cold and that was all that was necessary in being the most amazing popsicle ever. Like seriously, The. Most. Amazing. Popsicle. EVER. No popsicle before or since could ever come close to that popsicle in greatness.
The most sadistic part of Death valley was the one gas station I passed. $5.50 a gallon. Basically if you aren’t loaded you aren’t getting out of here alive.
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