So last night I decided to test out the tent and make sure the thing could withstand things like mild weather and an overly curious cat. It sounded like a good idea at the time so I pitched it in the back yard and started a little campfire.
I feasted on turkey burgers, turkey dogs, veggie burgers, potato chips, and potatoes and onions cooked over the coals with butter. I was stuffed to the gills when I decided to hang back and play some scrabble. This is always a fun game, played with the aid of the penguin, a small dictionary with penguin standing somewhat awkwardly on the front. This was an all out brutal competition were words were routinely made up. Anything for an edge. Kerfuffle is really a word. Honestly. The bloodshed kept everyone occupied until the last round when the fire had burned down to coals and the fairy of S’mores was calling my name.
I took my perfectly toasted marshmallow in my hands and carefully sloughed its golden skin off. From here I put my prize between a graham cracker and a bar of Hershey’s chocolate. I munched on the gooey molten mess as I returned my skinless marshmallow to the fire to toast it, and skin it, again. This was made all the easier by using giant S’more marshmallows which must be made for this sort of this. It’s amazing how such an act can transport you right back to being an eight year old girl scout. Oh happy days!
From here I decided to have a little morbid joy saying goodbye to Easter. I’d found stale jelly-filled Peep knock-offs on sale for 25 cents a bag, how could we resist? I threw them on the fire and watched them grow into gooey masses of apple-flavored lava. One of them shot it’s filling out like a little sugary squirt gun of mass destruction. It made such a satisfying bursting and sizzling noise as the toxic sludge rocketed to the other side of the fire pit and caught on fire. I added my own sordid commentary, giving voices to the Peeps, “Nooooooooooo! Why me?! Ahhhhhhhhhh!” as one does.
When I turned in for the night it was already pretty damn cold. The air mattress was blown up but I didn’t have a sleeping bag yet, just a faux lambskin blanket, which normally is very very warm, and a blanket to put on top of the mattress. I also had a pair of flannel PJs and a bathrobe I acquired after hunting down the biggest fluffiest Muppet I could find and taking a Bowie knife after it. I’m still unsure of the legality of Muppet hunting so this will remain a secret between my readers and myself…
Anyway! The tent is very spacious, it even has a front porch and let me tell you, putting it up reminded me of one of those building kits you give bored overly intellectual tweens. In the end I could stand up and walk in it at all points and the queen sized mattress didn’t make it too much smaller. It reminded me of the sort of tent people use when they run away to live with the bears in Alaska. I had it lit really well with a little LED light that could outshine any UFO, and I was quite comfortable… except for the fact I had chosen one of the coldest nights I could have. It dipped into the 30’s and with little to keep me away from the mattress I was freezing my ass off. I got up sore and slightly testy after I achieved somewhere between an hour and an hour and a half of sleep. I looked like crap! But I still got up to rummage through the town wide yard sale, after deconstructing the tent due to the rain I was told was coming at noon (it didn’t.)
At the yard sale I bought a teddy bear for 25 cents to feed my dog. It’s far cheaper than a pet store and whatever child loved the bears and bunnies I throw to her will never know they were fed to a pit bull who likes to pluck off their little beady eyes and noses first before disemboweling them and carefully plucking out their stuffing and dragging it’s deflated skin through the house like it’s the best playmate ever. She’s going to go a little nutty without me for a couple months so I’m spoiling her now with toys… I love my morbid pooch. Pepper is her name.
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