Avery & Dash Collections was so affluent an establishment that they use an ampersand (this little guy &) instead of the word and. We were greeted warmly at the door where I said a cheerful hello to an older lady. Despite my drab appearance that day I usually can pretend I fit in just about anywhere and women in particular are generally happy to accept that I do. Men on the other hand….

There was a very articulately dressed young man in his twenties, tall and lean, who looked at us coming in like we were shit-covered rats. Oh God they let in the Poors. His whole body literally tensed up at the thought and I have never in my life wanted so badly to invade someone’s personal space as I did in that moment. You know, just run up and give him a big bear hug, rub some of those destitution cooties all over his silk shirt. Not wishing to be escorted off the property via cop I behaved, though I did make sure to pass unreasonably close as we walked by.

This place was chic. So fancy! Just… overtly so. But it was more than that. It was playful. Here mixed in with the fine china were crystal dinosaurs set on the table. OK, if you’re the kind of rich that puts crystal dinosaurs out for the dinner guests you’re OK in my book. That’s just hilarious. Obviously, there were pieces of real dinosaurs and other fossils here and there including a sea scorpion which had to have been locally found. I’d never set eyes on one before but I always wanted to.

Here the leopard spot pillows were made of actual leopards. Now I do not condone in any way the hunting of leopards or the use of their gorgeous pelts but when else would I ever get a chance to touch a real goddamn leopard fur? I pet it. It was super course lacking in any softness whatsoever.

This place also had a lot of paintings and other things you’d hang on the wall. Things you’d normally see in a museum. And then a few things that were OBVIOUSLY clever poor people fleecing the rich for all they were worth including a bell jar full of ordinary sea shells for SIX HUNDRED AND NINETY FIVE DOLLARS. Clearly, I’m in the wrong profession. I wanted to meet whoever sold that piece to a place like this. You, my dear, are mypersonal hero.

Onward we went getting more and more engrossed with this place with every breath. It did however have a possibly haunted bathroom. I say this because there wasn’t really anything in it but when I went to leave it there was a HUGE bang like someone had just thrown a dresser at the wall. I looked back, horrified something may have fallen, but there was nothing to fall in this little one stall bathroom. We left soon after. I can take a hint.

If you are fortunate enough to be haplessly sitting on a mountain of cold hard cash this place would be well worth a good poke. And if you’re a Dicken’s styled street urchin like myself you still might have fun seeing just how big the wage gap in the US really is not to mention seeing a lot of things that should live in a museum! I very much enjoyed this place.