We went to the Spring Brimfield Antique Show on the day of its opening and I meant to post this not long after but you know… I’ve been on the go for over a month now and crashed pretty fucking hard. Tonight, I am feeling a little back to myself so I am going to regale you with all the delightful weirdness we found.

First off I must say I took A TON of photos with my phone, only a portion of which I have been able to upload. UGH. It’ll have to do! We arrived at noonish, I think, and paid $20 to park at the church having learned our lesson for trying one of the ten dollar lots on an earlier visit. Today I had two companions, one which had never been before which is always double the fun. All three of us were immediately overwhelmed. This place is HUGE. We were there all day and made it to the back of one of the lots but probably only saw MAYBE a 4th of what there was to see and some of the vendors told us there were still whole fields not even open yet!!

It proved to be a fantastic day for haunted dolls, terrifying carousel horses, blasphemy, antique titties, mounds of racist bullshit for every minority, a random smattering of Nazi regalia, lots of weird iron banks, MARBLES, and whimsy galore. And the vendors themselves were often very sweet! We ended up getting tips to find free water and bathrooms from one adorable hippie couple towards the end and we didn’t even buy anything from them.

Of course, the food trucks were also out which made keeping myself hydrated extra easy! The fresh squeezed lemonade is an outrageous $5 a cup but goddamn is it good! We also had some bomb pulled pork. But that’s all besides the point.

We had spent the day mostly just weaving between the unbelievably wholesome where we “awed” and the over the top inappropriate which we giggled like 12-year-olds and made equally obscene jokes about. At least one of the vendors was amused I was joining in this game – I don’t care I have tits, I also have a sense of humor.

“I don’t know if this Jesus is in pain or orgasming.”
“He looks Catholic, so both.” [Sorry, not sorry, I’ve seen too much church sponsored torture porn to answer this in any other way.]

So. Many. Dolls. Swarms of them! Sailors, mammies, porcelain, drawers of doll parts, steam punked horror doll lamps… and clowns… I mean quite a few things here looked proper haunted including some of the furniture and there was so much furniture this time around! We agreed it’d be super fun if we had money to come here and just furnish a whole damn house. They even had a booth of house plants! And they were GORGEOUS and healthy. So many succulents! One was over $600.

Of course, one of my favorite spots was well to the back where there weren’t many people, an artist was tending his forest of 10-foot-tall metal mushrooms which swayed in the wind and made my heart just go pitter patter. They were over a grand a piece but maaaan… the whimsy! I felt like I was in Wonderland! Similarly, a metal artist near the road had some really impressive beasts made of nuts and bolts and whatnot including a life size moose head. Again, if I had that kinda money… *heart eyes*

I did end up with a print from a local artist of a bunny in an overcoat. It was so cute I couldn’t leave it there! I did leave a bunch of marbles. They were everywhere, without price tags, which is why none came home with me. That and one packet literally said they were pickaninny marbles and had a super racist little logo. My melanin blessed companion made sure to point them out, as well as all the mammies and no colored allowed signs, in part I think to see the response of the vendors which is indeed an extra layer to this game and makes it even more amusing.

Meanwhile, my other companion has become somewhat jaded to all the Nazi memorabilia but not completely. He still finds it fascinatingly distasteful. Who would buy this?! He asks that a lot. Not me. That’s some bad mojo there.

Anyway, enjoy the photo dump of all the weirdness. Due to AdSense rules I couldn’t keep in any of the antique titties. Or weird erotic fanart. Sorry.