I realize I have not given much love to Vermont on this blog, and it’s not that I don’t adore Vermont (it’s actually my favorite of the New England states, shhhh) it’s just I rarely have the spoons to drive many hours into the mountains to somewhere that may or may not be open during a random off season day. But this time I had company so it at least was a little more exciting, perhaps too exciting at times as kidnapping my companion for a few days to play in Vermont with me started with a midnight drive around and around Rhode Island searching for ANY exit that wasn’t closed for construction! It was like living through the lyrics if Hotel California – you can check in but you can never leave…

But we did make it north, had a nice little sleep and immediately got up to go give Vermont a friendly poke. We’d learned that generally speaking the antique stores with the blandest names were often the largest and there’s nothing lacking more imagination than the Vermont Antique Mall. It just screams antiques. In Vermont. Come get em’.

Luckily this observation turned out to be true for this store. It was large! And surrounded by other quaint little Vermonty stores in the same Plaza, er village. There was a liquor store for the adults, an ice cream parlor for the kids, and randomly an alpaca fiber store with real live alpacas outside to greet guests. Wasn’t expecting that but it does scream Vermont doesn’t it? Random alpacas and artesional sweaters.

But onto the antique store! It was also joyfully very eccentric in that Vermont sort of way as scattered between many of the antiques there was also a plentiful variety of homemade folk art of all ages, subject matter, and level of creepiness. You know like the sweet idyllic scene painted onto an enormous dried mushroom or conversely the equally enormous decapitated claw of a lobster dressed up to look like a pirate!

Did I forget to mention the taxidermy? There were so many bears! A number of impressive mounts and then a few that made you wonder if it was the taxidermist’s first day or if they should be looking for a day job. The mange-addled bear and the coyote with a pained and somehow constipated grin came to mind.

All this was cuddled up next to artifacts and art from I think every indigenous tribe in the US, not just the local ones, and because we love drama there was also a flint pistol and lots of Indian Wars-looking weaponry not far away.

This place had a little of everything and I do mean everything. We even found a battle nun figurine. I know you have questions but I don’t have any answers.

There was also a jar of dog tags, not military ones, the canine variety… perhaps a morbid memorial to dogs long since passed? We may never know. Or who would buy that?? Not to be outdone in the creepy department there was also a marionette horse that I would have brought home to make a still animation horror movie if only I had a studio or the space. The thing was absolute nightmare fuel, a horror of horrors.

But there was a lot of cutesy stuff too including someone’s entire collection of mice figurines and salt and pepper shakers. This is not to mention what hilariously looked like a progressively leaning take on Dick and Jane but with Jane replaced by Joe. Dick and Joe, all kittied up in fancy garb going for a little dance around the yard. It most certainly was not intended for this but you know… modern eyes see modern things….

All and all this place was a lot of fun. Probably would have been even more fun in summer when the ice cream parlor next door is open…